Spray
by Vietta
Summary: Rude and Reno crash land in the woods and have to hike to their destination. Rated T for language.


The gentle hum of the blackflies buzzing around his head was starting to drive Rude insane. He batted them away, wishing he had thought to bring bug spray. Getting rid of the bug, however, probably wouldn't have helped to improve his mood anyways. Rude was currently pissed out of his mind, the cause being the redheaded helicopter-wrecking menace that was following him at a distance and playing pack mule with all their belongings. Rude had refused to carry anything since it was Reno who had wrecked the chopper. Normally Rude didn't throw such a tantrum when Reno stranded them by wrecking their only available mode of transportation and it was true that the redhead had been avoiding some very unfriendly fire from a Wutain plane that had been determined to bring them down, but still, he could have at least dropped them closer to their destination! They had already hiked a mile and had started out almost five from their checkpoint. Not that Rude minded the exercise. He did, however, mind the bugs and the heat and the few pissed off monsters they crossed every now and again.

It would have been a tolerable trip, even with the bugs and heat and monsters, if Rude wasn't also bruised and contused from the crash. He was pretty sure he had sprained his ankle and the lump on his head that he had acquired was still steadily swelling and had grown from the size of a shirt button to the size of his hand. Rude knew that the lump was a bad sign, but so long as he was able to walk and curse at Reno he would ignore the painful purple lump.

He turned, his cracked sunglasses giving the world around him a slightly skewed look. "Hurry up, Reno!"

"I'm comin', yo! My fuckin' knee hurts like shit!" Reno limped after Rude, bleeding lightly from a small cut above his eyebrow. For whatever reason, while Rude's sunglasses had broken, Reno's goggles had managed to stay intact and perched on his forehead. Rude had had to search the wreckage of the chopper for his sunglasses.

"So does my ankle, but you don't see me bitching." Rude adjusted his sunglasses, wishing he had brought a spare set.

Reno panted, his back loaded down with their gear. "Dude, your head is fucked up!"

"So's your face, you don't see me pointing that out, asshole." Rude was in a pissy mood. He couldn't help it. His bruise was starting to get sunburnt and he was pretty sure there was a mosquito bite on it.

Reno panted, bent double. "Can't we rest?"

Rude cringed at the whine in Reno's voice. "No. We can't, Reno. We just got shot down by the enemy we need to get medical attention. That's our first priority."

"You suck so much right now, Rude." Reno wiped sweat and blood from his forehead, his hand shaking. Rude wondered if the redhead had broken it during the crash.

"Not as much as you do. Couldn't you have crashed closer to the base?" Rude took Reno's hand and looked it over gently, clucking his tongue at the harsh burn across the back of his palm. "Ouch. That looks like hell."

"Dude, you look like hell. Your head is swelling like a fuckin' balloon." Reno was glad for the short reprieve from walking. He had banged his knee against something during the crash and, while it definitely wasn't broken, it was definitely bruised.

Rude sighed. "We can't focus on our injuries. We need to keep going." He took pity on Reno and took one of the bags from his back, slinging it onto his own. "Come on." He led Reno deeper into the forest, hoping his internal compass was correct. He would hate to find out that he was going in the wrong direction.

Rude frowned as they reached a dense section of the woods, knowing that if they tried to go around the thickening trees and vines that they would get lost very quickly. He sighed as he started ripping down vines and pushing his way through cobwebs reluctantly; he hated nature. Reno was making odd noises behind him as he tried to get rid of the spider webs that had he had caught in his hair and Rude laughed under his breath, shoving through bushes and leaving a trail for Reno to follow. "Hurry up, slowpoke!"

Reno swore at him and Rude chuckled, forcing his way through the woods. He was sore all over and hated every extra scratch that the branches, vines, and thorns left on his sweaty, bruised arms, but he forced himself to keep going. They hiked two very slow miles through the woods in this fashion; Rude cutting a trail through the woods with his bare hands and leaving a path of destruction wide enough for Reno to follow. Luckily enough, the woods were too dense for monsters to get into and they were relatively undisturbed; but as the woods began thinning out, Rude began worrying about them again.

A rustling in a nearby set of bushes caught Rude's attention and he quickly raised his fists, ready for a fight. He was rather surprised when a small animal stepped out of the bush, its large fluffy tail raised high. At first Rude thought it was cute, it's fluffy tail and odd shuffling walk made it seem helpless. Rude paled when he recognized the critter for what it was, watching in horror as the small skunk turned around, its raised tail no longer seeming like a cute and fluffy flag and instead seeming like a gun pointed right at Rude. He turned his back just in time to avoid a full facial spray as the skunk fired its choking spray right at him.

The smell was awful. It was the worst smell Rude had ever had assault his nose. His eyes quickly lined with tears as he grabbed a stick off the ground to beat the skunk with. He turned and rushed the skunk, ignoring all his aches and pains and focusing all his attention on destroying the awful critter that had attacked him. He watched the skunk run into the thick underbrush and gave up the chase, his stomach giving up the battle for his lunch. He doubled over and quickly vomited.

Reno plugged his nose, gagging as he made his way towards Rude. "Fuck! What'd you do, run into a malboro?"

"S-skunk." Rude gagged, trying to walk away from the smell without any success.

Reno cringed. "Oh, nasty! It sprayed you?"

"No, it gave me a cookie. Fuck you, Reno, yes it sprayed me!" Rude frowned, not even bothering to plug his nose.

"Shit, Rude, that's really gross!" Reno coughed and followed Rude. "Let me get in front of you so that nasty smell doesn't keep blowing into my face!"

Rude walked faster. "Shut up! We've got about two more miles to go so you better get used to the smell!"

Reno followed and wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen. It's gonna be gross no matter how long we walk, man."

Rude kept walking, ignoring Reno's snarky comments. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle smelling like raw sewage for the remainder of their walk, but he was fairly sure that at some point during their hike he was going to have to give Reno a black eye.

* * *

**Author's Note: The prompt for this story was the word 'spray'. Poor Rude xD Stuck with Reno AND sprayed by a skunk!**


End file.
